The Drug Named Power
by ObsidianSpade
Summary: Sort-of drabble on the addictive nature of the Kyuubi's chakra. One-shot. Rated T to be safe. Kind of dark.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Darkness – unending, consuming.

Insanity – twisting, screaming, laughing.

Addiction – myself, in reference to her, to her power.

Her very being was of darkness, and her eyes of insanity. She was everything that grown men had nightmares about, and I knew she would be my destruction. And not in the way that is shown is so many sappy love stories, no – she would destroy my mind, my spirit through violence and rage. There would be no romance. She would whisper in my mind with promises of better things. Pretty, comforting words. Promises of people who would see me as a person. Promises that my enemies would fall before me, that I wouldn't have to lose my friends – _what friends? –_ to the madness that plagues this world.

I need only to ask and all the power I could hope for would be mine.

But the power came with a price – came with anger. It came with bloodlust – feelings and thoughts not my own. It was a poison that infected me bit by bit. Every time I used that power the infection grew stronger – and by the time I noticed it was too late, because I no longer wanted the taint to go away – rather, I was addicted to it. Any reason would do, anything to use that power again.

I was always forgiven, when I "lost control." My "friends" would comfort me. _It wasn't my fault. I didn't mean to attack them. I couldn't tell friend from foe when I use that power. It's hard to control something like that. They understand. They forgive me._

I never lose control. I see them, foe and foe on the battlefield. Because they are not my friends. They never were. How could they be, when they encourage me to "fight it" when I use that intoxicating **power** on the battlefield? They tell me to control it. Why would they want to take this feeling away from me? This rush? This power? I could fight better without them, I could kill them. I could be free of them dragging me out of my happiness and pushing the power back into its cage. But I pause. If I kill them, if I strike out on my own I will be hunted. Would it not be better to stay among their ranks? To make them believe I am their friend? I could orchestrate the continuation of chaos from among them, and they'd be none the wiser. As long as I can fight I can find an excuse to use this power. So I pretend I am sorry when I "discover" how the pinkette was hurt. I pretend that I regret using that power. And I continue living among their ranks.

The voice that has been a constant whisper in my ear since I first used that power is urgent, pressing – _they would enslave you, restrain you. They are a hindrance. Let me help you and we will be free forever. Never to be hunted. We cannot be hunted if there is no one to hunt us._

But I know it is lies. We would not succeed – and I would be left behind. I know her manipulations are leading toward her freedom, but I will not so blatantly set her free. How could I, when this power to which I am so addicted would be gone with her? And there is no guarantee we would win – she obviously lost before or she wouldn't be in this mess.

Now she's yelling again. Cursing me, cursing the seal, cursing my father.

I ignore her and turn my attention back to my team. Foxes are known as tricksters for a reason I suppose. She has tricked me into this addiction to her power, and I have tricked an entire village to believe I am no different than I always was. I have continued to act like a bumbling idiot where possible, and no one questions my sudden ability to access her chakra. No one wonders why it happens so often. No one checks the seal. Even if they did they would find no change. Because it is not the seal that is wavering, it is my will. My self-control. My ability to resist the desire to tap into that power and _use_ it.

I squash the urge to burn them and follow my team as we make our way towards the snake's hideout. Soon enough I'll be able to use it again. Maybe if we see the traitor I'll have sufficient "emotional distress" to justify "losing control" again. We shall see.

The fox is still screaming curses and threats but I just make a determined face and trudge on. Smiling internally – soon.


End file.
